April 19: Evocative

by allisonkujiraoka

I took out an album from 2006

I played it through once,

then listened again.

It reawakened all I’d felt back then.

I’d had it on repeat Christmas Eve night

my three-month-old quietly content

to lie beneath his play gym

as I wrapped gifts till two a.m.

The love songs are a little saccharine

I think so now, I thought so then.

Otherwise everything is spot on:

Her sweet pop lilt ascending the heights

singing of the outsize shape of our hearts

when longings are fulfilled,

and the smallness of us when scarred.

The songs about losing sleep

and distance and not being seen–

They resonate like new;

the lyrics ring true.

It’s all coming back to me.

If only I could extrude that treacly

“you can’t have rainbows without rain” line.

That’s hard to forgive, even after all this time.